What is the longest time you’ve waited for someone or something? Why did you wait? Was it worth it? The wait?
I keep asking myself these questions, thinking that it might bring me some peace. I’m sitting here and I can feel the breeze gently rattling the dry leaves from the trees. I can hear the ridgebacks chirruping as they sunbathe. You would have loved to see this year’s clutch emerge, and hear the hatchlings chattering to themselves; they’re the most magnificent shade of gunmetal grey, you would have loved them. I used to enjoy being here, sharing this with you, and now its all so hollow and empty.
Remember how we used to run around looking for the new hatchlings so that we could tag them? We had some escape recently, it took us forever to find them! When we did, I realised they were huddled up in our little grove, where we would sit and share our secrets.
The worst thing I ever did was pretend what we had wasn’t love, but I just wasn’t ready. I didn’t know what I wanted until you weren’t there anymore. It took me so long to realise just how important you were are to me. I know it is easy for me to say “If only” but believe me! It’s not easy. I wake every morning, hoping that this time your eyes meet mine, that it was all an awful dream.
I wish I could hate Harry, I really do! I wish I could purport to know all of his faults and weaknesses so that I could bare all to you, in the hopes that you would find him wanting, and come back to me. I wish these things from the bottom of my heart however I know that Harry is the “Golden boy”. No not in that way! He has always been this shining, golden beacon to you, even in your darkest moments. From the moment he pulled you from that fire, you were his, if not before.
Will there ever be a time that you think of me? That my face passes before your eyes before his? That you call my name before his name washes away my memory? I wish that someone would obliviate me! I said I couldn’t remember that night clearly but the truth is I can see every angle and every curvy of you every time that I blink. You haunt me.
I’m sorry for sending you this letter, but I wanted to get my final chance before you tie the knot. When that day arrives I will forever hold my peace as I know that once you have given your heart and hand, there will be no chance for me to ever win you back. I’m sorry if this letter makes you angry or uncomfortable but I wanted needed to get this off my chest.
Draco, please reconsider. I could be so good to you, we could raise dragons and drink fire whiskey into the star-filled nights far away from England and the baggage that still haunts you there. We could hold hands and cuddle, and I would love and worship your body every night, the way you deserve. You would look so wanton and shameless and it would be glorious!
I’m sorry, I shouldn’t write such things. It’s not fair on Harry, who I know to be the best of men. As I said before I wish I could hate him for being a better man than I.
To answer my initial question. I would wait until the stars fall down and the world is swallowed in fire, to be with you and it would be worth it to hold you again and know that only I inhabit your heart.
Please spare me a thought, if there is ever even a shadow of a doubt. I will always be here waiting for you.
(This drew inspiration from my longer fanfic “All the Wrong Choices” if you would like to read it.)