All the wrong choices – (Ch15 – Love’s sweet abandon)

Harry sat for a long time just thinking and gazing into his teacup as Kreacher bustled around the now clean and tidy kitchen. His jaw and cheeks ached from the incessant smiling which he couldn’t seem to stop. Every time he moved, he would suddenly feel an ache or pain which would transport him back to the night before and the activity that caused it. His face would break out with a rejuvenated smile making his cheeks ache even more. He stretched his neck as he tenderly and lovingly stroked the marks which now resided there. He remembered the rush he had felt with each graze of teeth and each brush of lips. He shivered deliciously as he remembered, his eyes closing in delirium.

He didn’t want to compare but he felt himself doing just that. Things between him and Ginny had always felt like a chore, something to be endured. He never felt any build or anticipation and therefore struggled to build up any kind of enthusiasm for it. With Draco the opposite was true. The anticipation had been a sweet and unendurable agony, each touch and taste escalating the sensations higher.

His mind flashed back to Draco’s face above him, slack with need and lust.  He had never seen such a wanton look on the man’s face before, pale with a doll-like blush across his cheeks, the pale column of his throat bared to the sky. His mouth parted showing his teeth biting the smallest bit of lip. Harry sighed. Draco had almost undone him there and then, all his careful and focused control, gone.

Even now the thought raised his temperature and sped up his pulse. He didn’t think he’d ever be able to get enough. He wanted to wake up to that face every morning.

He heard the fire behind him whoosh as he sipped his tea.

“Woah” Teddy exclaimed as he walked around the table looking at Harry. “Good morning Uncle Harry”

“Hi Ted” He tried to remain calm as Ted sat in front of him, his eyebrows raised in a silent question. “How’s the family?” His voice sounded level which was good for him, he sounded nothing like the gushing teenage girl he wanted to be.

“Hungry for details, Aunt Molly is scandalised, she thought you’d see sense and know better” Teddy laughed as he eyed Harry’s neck more “So? Details?”

“He loved the food and you were right about the chocolate.”

“Excellent” Teddy smiled “And…?” He waited expectantly. Harry could see the excitement in his eyes

“And what?” He asked with a wry smile.

“Are you dating?” Harry saw Ted’s eyes dart between the marks on his neck to the irrepressible smile playing on Harry’s lips.

“Yes,” Harry admitted finally around his teacup. Ted jumped up, pulling his fist down triumphantly

“George owes me big time!” Ted exclaimed

“I hope you’ve not been gambling Ted,” Harry asked sternly.

“Sorry, Harry! The odds were too good, and it was for one of Uncle George’s extendable ears. He’s not sold them for years!”

“Well in that case,” Harry laughed “As long as you don’t use it on me!” Ted screwed up his face.

“I can solemnly swear that will never happen!” Ted smiled widely, then after a moment reaffirmed “I am so happy for you Uncle Harry! Both you and Uncle Draco deserve to be happy, especially after everything you’ve both been through!”

“What makes you say that, Ted?” Harry asked, sensing more than one meaning behind the comment.

“Remember I said he sends me letters?”

“Yeah?” Harry nodded carefully, as he wondered what the next comment was going to be next.

“Well, there is never any mention of friends or boyfriends or people that can share what he enjoys.” Ted looked down before looking back up to Harry “You of all people know that adults hide things from kids, so you have to read between the lines. I think Uncle Draco has been lonely for a very long time”

“Come here,” Harry said as he stood. Ted came around the table and hugged him. Harry squeezed his nephew tightly as ruffled his Forrest green hair “Merlin! When did you become so bloody smart and observant?” Harry smiled as he pulled Ted away to look at him. “Draco’s got me now, I’ve no intention of going anywhere” Ted smiled and nodded.

“Just be careful with him Uncle Harry, I think he’s more fragile than he lets on” Harry nodded, thinking back to the panic attacks and the lost look in his eyes when he had stopped what they were doing the night before. “Right, I’ve got to go and pack. See you later” Ted smiled as he turned to leave.

“Merlin the holidays go by so quick! Is it Sunday you go back?” Ted Nodded as Harry shook his head. “I still can’t believe you’re in fifth year!”

“Yeah, I’ve got all my O.W.L’s to look forward to” Ted laughed.

“Go on, go pack and I’ll make some lunch”

“That pasta looked good, and maybe some chocolate tart?” Ted asked with a smile from the doorway.

“Alright, Go and pack and come down when you’re hungry,” Harry said with a smile. Ted beamed at him before leaving the room. Harry sat back down and smiled, his thoughts drifting back to the blond who seemed to haunt his thoughts.

He Accio’d his quill and parchment and began writing a note to his lover, unable to help himself. The thought of a poem he had read which had always stayed with him. The writer was a muggle, but it was like she knew the sweet pain he felt.

“My soul so still in moments pure, My eyes upon the pristine sky, A lone bird glides and upon its lure, My very essence. A captive sigh

Stirring within my being so deep… for flight abandon. My soul doth yearn, The skies entice. My strength doth weep, The heart inside this host doth burn

Beloved. My eyes draw tears from this yearning, as I’ve walked through Fire for a Love so True, and the greatest piece of Wisdom’s learning… …all I desire is to be with You.”

He didn’t sign it, he just smiled as he folded it up and attached it to Pepin who bristled with sleep as he tried to rouse himself.

He watched dreamily as the great bird flew out of the window. He sighed as he waited for the hours to pass until he could be with Draco again.  He didn’t realise there could be anyone who would stir within him such obsession. He sighed as he thought about seeing him later. He hung around the kitchen sighing and smiling as he waited for a response. He didn’t think he could wait that long just as the owl flew back through the window with a hoot, his heart sped up as he rushed to read the reply.


The poem featured was called “loves sweet abandon” by Sharon Maree Smith

You can find the writer and the poem here –

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